my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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