I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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