i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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