Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
