When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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