I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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