Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
