She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I just found a bag of teeth...
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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