Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
