Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
