I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
