Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
No I am not eating basil off your cock
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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