Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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