She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
