The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize