he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
