if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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