i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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