So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
