true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
