I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Randomize
