btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
