dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Randomize
