it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
