I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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