Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
