Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
