OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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