yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
