You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Randomize
