We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize