I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
