You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
