She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
