Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
