I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
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