If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
