I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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