One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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