By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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