sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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