Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
