If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I feel like death gave me a hand job
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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