After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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