Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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