I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
