i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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