he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
