we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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