He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
