I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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