so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
