I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
