I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
