the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
