Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
