Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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