Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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