It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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