my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
