You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
