my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
