My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
