I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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