do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
