So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
