well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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