I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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