is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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