If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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