im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
