Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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