Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
