Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Randomize
