Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
