that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize