Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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